Rock Star
by Chiba Apey
Summary: The kids all decide to form a band, but what does Robbie think of this? Silliness for like m old 'cause she asked. Rated T because I think I cursed in my author's note. Oh, and mild hormonal jokes.


AN: I SO wrote this for like m old. I had gotten a couple requests, but hadn't seen the show lately. Then like m is all "write more, please?" and who could say no to that? Besides, I came up with this concept fairly quick and wrote the outline quick, too. Actually getting around to writing the story was a different matter…

Disclaimer: Magnus Sheving owns this show, not me. I am a broke-ass college student with nothing better to do. Please do not sue me, Iceland!

"Rock Star"

By Chiba Apey

We open with a shot of the airship. Inside, Sportacus is listening to some music and bouncing around, as he is wont to do, on rollerskates while he cleans up. He's using a broom and playing air guitar on every other turn as he bats things into their proper places. As he is finishing up, he turns to the camera with a smile and then does a weird backflip move to knock a basketball into the closet, rounding out with a mini guitar solo on his knees. Then he throws his hands into the air. "Thank you and good night!" Breathing heavily from the exertion, he looks around at the clean airship in satisfaction. "I love music."

Cue theme song and title page with Stephanie's voice reading "Rock Star!"

We zoom down to the kids listening to some tunes in the park on Stephanies ginormous pink boom box tm. Everyone is dancing around, especially Ziggy who is doing some sort of headbanging mosh dance while waving candy about. The song comes to an end and the kids all cheer. "Yeah!", "All right!", "That was great!", etc.

"Oh, that song was so awesome!" gasps Ziggy, "It was all like weedle weedle weee! And then the drums were like boom boppa boom BOOM boom and it was SO cool!"

Stingy sighs in agreement. "So cool that it should be mine."

"Hey, that's a good idea, Stingy," says Pixel, "We could form a band. And with the help of my new Studiotronic 3000 we could add synth effects or even record our own songs!"

"Yeah, we can play instruments," agrees Trixie, "We'll be the most rockin' band in all of LazyTown!"

Somewhere in the subterranean depths of LazyTown…

Robbie throws himself away from his periscope in disgust. "Form a band?" he makes a face, "What do these kids know about being in a band? All they will do is make clanging and whining noises that will keep me from napping." He storms off further into his lair. "Lights!" All the lights turn off except for a spotlight overhead. Then he pulls a lever and an old-style microphone pops up in front of him and speakers lower behind his head. "When I was a boy," he begins with a nostalgic sigh, "I always dreamed of being in a rock and roll band! Getting paid and worshipped to do practically nothing. Ladies would love me and men would just wish they could be me. And best of all, rock stars are bad and who in LazyTown is badder than Robbie Rotten?" He finishes with a flourish and then waits. When nothing happens he reaches over and clicks a button that says "applause" filling the lab with cheers and clapping. "Thank you, thank you." He gets hit with some feedback which rattles his brain and he bats the microphone away.

The lights come back up and he turns in another direction looking thoughtful and then stops. "Ah, but I have an idea!" Glancing up, Robbie noticed that there was a lamp over his head that had not come back on. He pulled the string and with a "click", a light bulb illuminated his idea. "I will go up there and show those kids how to be a real band. Then, everyone will worship me and forget all about Sportaloser!" He laughs maniacally and prances up to the disguise tubes. "It's disguise time!"

Walking along the rows, Robbie considers each costume as he passes. First is an Austin Powers frilly velvet suit. Robbie waves a hand at it. "Too swingy." The next is an oversized sports jersey with ill fitting pants, a sideways hat, and the world's gaudiest diamond necklace. Robbie throws the Westside W making a face. "Too blingy." The third is a one piece orange spandex jumpsuit that looked like it was from the hair band era. Robbie pulls up his pants and his voice goes up an octave. "Too clingy!" At last he comes to a costume that's a cross between a greaser and Johnny Cash, complete with leather jacket and sunglasses. "Ahh, rockin'!" He pulls on the lever at the console and out pops the costume. Grabbing the end of the pants he does a little twirl and is magically garbed like the rock star he always knew he should be. He runs a comb through his hair and strikes a pose, a rock and roll chord playing as he does so. "Look out, Sportakook, because Bobby Savage is in the house."

Back up in LazyTown proper the kids are arguing about the specifics of their new band. "Okay, Stingy is going to play the bass –"

"And harmonica," Stingy chimes in.

"Right," agrees Trixie, "Ziggy, you can play drums."

Ziggy sticks out his lower lip pitifully and moans. "Oh, but I was hoping that I could play guitar." He does a little air guitar freestyle via his lollipop to illustrate his point.

Trixie just rolls her eyes. "Who ever heard of a guitarist named Ziggy?

Ziggy crosses his arms haughtily. "Ehem, what about Ziggy Stardust?"

Trixie just groans in response. Stephanie, who has been waiting quietly so far, takes advantage of the opening in the conversation. "Hey, Trixie, what about a lead singer? I think that I could do that. That way I could sing and dance around on stage at the same time. Like I do with the Bing Band song." She starts to sing and dance.

Trixie snorts derisively. "You could never be a lead singer, Pinky, you're not hardcore enough to lead a band."

The barb hurts Stephanie and she puts her hands on her hips. "I could so lead this band. I'm plenty hardcore!"

"You? Hah! You're about as hardcore as a polar bear in a tutu!" The other kids laugh along with Trixie because as harsh as her words are, they all seem to feel that they ring true.

Stephanie looks hurt and is just about to say something in her defense when who should waltz in but Robbie Rotten in his new rock star persona. "I understand you are in need of a lead singer." He says, striking a pose which causes the rock chord to play again.

"Wow," gasps Pixel, "Who's that?"

"I am Bobby Savage, rock star!" Robbie turns around to reveal a large "BS" emblazoned on the back of his jacket in rhinestones.

"Oooo," the kids are automatically in awe of "Bobby" despite not actually having a clue as to who he is.

Stephanie, on the other hand, is not so easily transfixed. "But guys, I was still hoping that I could be lead singer."

"What?" laughs Robbie, "A little girly girl like you? Girls like you belong in the front row of the audience screaming my name." He switches to a falsetto voice and does his best groupie impression. "Oh, Ro – er – Bobby you're so sexy and your hair is perfect! I think you're the coolest. Ohhhh! Please give me a backstage pass!"

The kids all break into laughter. "Yeah, Stephanie," agrees Stingy, "You could be our groupie."

"You're certainly ditzy enough," snickers Trixie.

Stephanie pulls out her best wounded puppy face and stamps her foot. "You guys are so mean, I don't want to be in a band with you!" She picks up her boom box and storms off while Robbie and the kids crack up in her wake.

"Well now," says Robbie, rubbing his hands together, "Now that the pink party pooper is gone how about we start rockin'?"

"Yeah, all right!" the kids all agree.

Zoom over to Stephanie meandering about morosely. She's pouting, she's kicking up dirt, the whole nine yards. In her wanderings she comes across Sportacus and Mayor Meanswell attempting to repair the town square stage while Bessie "supervises". "Oh, no, Milford," she says skeptically, "I really think that post is much higher than the one on the right. Maybe another adjustment?"

"Are you sure, Ms. Busybody?" asks Sportacus, glancing between the beam he's helping to hold up and the adjacent one. "They seem pretty level to me."

"Oh, no no no no, dear," smiles Bessie, "Trust me, from over here that one looks much higher."

"As long as you're certain," agreed Milford, mentally tallying how many times they had already adjusted the beam in the last hour.

As they are reaffixing the post yet again, Sportacus's jewel goes off and he happens to spy Stephanie in mid-sulk. "It looks like something's wrong with Stephanie," he says redundantly. He lets go of the post, causing Milford to fall backwards onto the platform, still holding it.

"Now, Milford, this is no time to take a nap," admonishes Bessie.

"Right, Ms. Busybody," comes his strangled reply.

Meanwhile, Sportacus has hop, skipped, and jumped his way over to the pitiful pinky. "Stephanie, you look sad, what is wrong?"

"Oh, Sportacus," she says, "Me an' the other kids wanted to form a band so we were assigning parts for everyone. I wanted to be the lead singer but Trixie said I wasn't hardcore enough to be lead singer and then this rock star named Bobby Savage showed up and said I was only good enough to be a groupie!" Tears being to form at the corners of her doe eyes.

"Hmm," says Sportacus, putting on his most thoughtful face, "That was not very nice of them." Immediately he switches to a comforting smile. "Do not worry, Stephanie, I think you are hardcore."

Stephanie lights up like a Japanese pop singer with a new bottle of body glitter. "Oh, Sportacus, you do?" She leans close enough to invade his personal bubble, causing him to lean slightly back.

"Of course I do," he says cheerfully, "Don't you agree, Mayor?" He turns to look at the Mayor but doesn't see him. "Mayor?"

"Down here, Sportacus!" calls the Mayor feebly.

Sportacus grins sheepishly. "Sorry, Mayor, I did not see you down there."

"Yes, of course," grumbles the Mayor.

Sportacus picks the beam up with one hand and tosses it away, knocking Bessie's cell phone right out of her hand. "I say, what is going on?"

"Ms. Busybody!" says the mayor nervously, fearing her wrath, "We were just discussing how hardcore our little Stephanie is."

"Thanks, Uncle," Stephanie says giving him a hug.

"Well, she is quite brassy, Milford," says Bessie, inspecting her destroyed phone. She tosses it away and then opens her purse and produces an identical phone. "I always keep a spare!"

Stephanie does that thing where she is excited for two seconds and then suddenly remembers that the world is a cold, bleak, unforgiving place. She sighs, using her shoulders for emphasis. "But they still won't let me be in their band."

Sportacus thinks for a moment (in his "thinking!" pose) and then sticks his finger in the air to signal the formation of an idea. "I know, how about we form our own band?"

Stephanie wrinkles her nose. "Just the two of us?"

"The mayor and Ms. Busybody can join us," he says confidently.

"Well, I suppose I always have wanted to be a rock AND roll star," chuckles Milford, "I still have some clothes left over from my rowdy teenage years."

"Ooo, Milford," says Bessie, sounding a little too horned out for children's tv, "I love a man that knows how to rock about a stage."

"Oh, yes, well," Milford reverts into a blushing, fumbling teenager – which will, coincidentally, go well with his totally 80s wardrobe.

"You guys will really do that for me?" gasps Stephanie, "That's great! We should get started right away!"

"Okay," agrees Sportacus, who really has only a small idea what he's doing.

Back at the park, Bobby Savage is busy giving the other kids lessons on how to be a true rock star. "First of all, you need the rock star look, like me," he smiles, striking a pose and causing the rock chord to play. The kids, who are now wearing leather jackets that say "BS the Kids" (the & was printed in black and doesn't show up as well), all gawk in awe at Bobby mad skillz. "Now everyone put on your sunglasses and strike a pose."

"Are they Prada?" asks Stingy.

"No."

"Ray-bans?"

"No."

"Yves St. Laurent?"

"No."

"Hmm, how cheap."

"Just put them on, Stinky!"

"That's STINGY."

"Whatever."

They all comply and don their shades which results in a bizarre mix of expressions, some of which don't say "cool" or "badass" so much as "vacant" or "constipated". "Good, good," smiles Bobby, "Now we will learn how to strut like rock stars!" He begins to strut away from the kids with an exaggerated swagger and they all follow, tripping over their own feet in the process.

As the crowd is strutting, they come upon Stephanie and her band setting up some amps. "Well, well, look who it is," laughs Bobby, "Sportagoob and that annoying brat."

"What are you doing, setting up for a production of 'Polar Bear Swan Lake?'" laughs Trixie.

Stephanie sticks her lower lip out defiantly and glares for a moment, then reverts to a more noncommittal attitude. "We're just setting up to do a rock show," she says matter-of-factly.

"Is that so? And where is your band, little girl?" snickers Bobby.

"Right here," says the mayor, strolling up with Ms. Busybody. Both of them look like the 1980s exploded all over them. Bessie is sporting her best Jennifer Beals circa "Flashdance" attire while the mayor looks like he stole one of Crockett's ice-cream colored suits from "Miami Vice".

The kids and Bobby all start to laugh uproariously at the motley crew, but they pretend not to hear the jibes. Stephanie marches up and gets right in Bobby's face. "Oh yeah? Well I challenge you guys to a battle of the bands!"

"Oh yeah?" says Pixel, "We have the best musical equipment money can buy. Bring it!"

Bobby, meanwhile, has turned and is doing an aside for the camera. "At last, I will defeat Sportacus at this battle of the bands and then I will be the most worshipped by everyone in town. Poor Sportacus will have no one to notice him and will be forced to leave town," he draws up a deep breath, "FOREVER."

"Uh, Bobby?" asks Ziggy, "What are you doing?"

"What?" Bobby turns and sees that they have all been staring at him.

Sportacus cocks his head to the side and looks at him more closely. 'Do I know you?"

"Who? What? Where? No! C'mon, kids, let's leave these poor uncool people to their little band." He and the kids leave laughing all the way.

"We'll show him," huffs Stephanie, "We'll be the best band ever."

Cut to a montage sequence that cuts back and forth between the two bands as they prepare. Stephanie's band sets up the stage and their equipment, then begins practicing. Bobby Savage & the Kids spends most of their time learning how to gel hair and destroy hotel rooms.

Finally, we arrive at the battle of the bands. The Mayor Meanswell goes up to the stage to introduce the acts (since he is, after all, the only official of any sort in town). "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to LazyTown's very first Battle of the Bands! We have a very exciting show for everyone tonight, very exciting. And so, without further ado, I present BS the Kids!"

"That's Bobby Savage & the Kids!" hisses Stingy from backstage.

"Oh yes, er, right. Bobby Savage & the Kids!" The mayor exists the stage and the curtain comes up to reveal Bobby's band, complete with laser light accompaniment. Never mind the fact that there are no other LazyTowners so their audience consists of Stephanie's band and…Stephanie's band. Truthfully, Bobby's band does rock the house with some tunes that sound like a mix of Queen, Elvis, and Johnny Cash. Bobby is so in love with his own performance that he almost calls for his own encore, then thinks the better of it. He finishes the set by stripping off his jacket in a highly suggestive manner, tossing it into to "crowd". Bessie catches it and begins fanning herself and blushing.

The band leaves the stage and the Mayor makes his way back up. Because this is a children's show, no time is needed for the next band to set up. "And now for our next band, Sportafunk and the Shiny Pinkness! Ooo, that means me!" He hurries into position on stage.

Sportacus and Stephanie come running out onto the stage and the kids all gasp. Stephanie is wearing a pink metallic wig and enough glitter eye shadow to blind Stevie Wonder. Her outfit consists of her usual jelly bracelets and pink tights, hot pink ankle boots, a pink mini skirt, and a pink tank top covered in sparkles. Sportacus has on his Bono sunglasses (from "New Superhero"), NO hat, platform versions of his boots, and a silk scarf with no shirt. He walks up the microphone stand as the band starts to play.

Trixie gasps. "Sportacus is the lead singer?"

Stingy simply shrugs. "Well, he already has the tight pants."

Sportacus belts out one of his trademark high notes which transitions into a rock squeal and punctuates it with a kick. "Wow," says Pixel, "Sportacus is totally metal!"

The band plays a couple songs that resemble glam metal, Cindy Lauper, and Siouxsie & the Banshees tossed into a blender on "frappe". Sportacus and Stephanie actually end up dueting, taking turns alternating between guitar and jumping about the stage. Much to Bobby Savage's chagrin, Sportacus can freakin' wail on a guitar like nothin' he's ever heard. Pretty soon the kids are all going crazy over Sportafunk and the Shiny Pinkness and even Trixie is reduced to a squealing little fangirl. Sportacus and Stephanie end the set by doing a little dance routine together, ending with Stephanie jumping up on Sportacus and him dipping her backwards so far she can wave at the "crowd" which is going insane in the membrane from the power of their rockin'.

The Mayor sets down his bass and hurries forward. "Well, I think that we can clearly see who is the winner of the Battle of the Bands – Sportafunk and the Shiny Pinkness!"

The kids all cheer and Bobby growls in anger tearing off his sunglasses and storming up to the stage. "It was rigged, I tell you," he snaps, "You weren't even wearing leather!"

Since his really obvious disguise has been cast aside, the LazyTowners can all see that Bobby Savage is really… "Robbie Rotten!"

He rolls his eyes and waves his hand at them. "Yes, yes, we've been through this before." He turns his attention on Sportacus who, despite the platforms, is still below his eyeline. "You cheated! Dancing was not part of the competition! And you have sporty sound effects! No one can do that!"

Sportacus smiles politely. "Now, Robbie, you know that we won fair and square. It is not our fault that you did not dance. It will be okay."

Robbie is not placated. "Yeah, well, you're short!"

"I am a delightfully compact size," replies Sportacus.

"Grrr. You are so nauseating!" Robbie storms off in a huff.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Robbie has left the building," says Pixel satisfactorily.

"But Pixel, we're outside!" says Ziggy. Everyone laughs at his stupidity and then joins on stage for a jam session. Stephanie and Sportacus hop around doing their little "Bing Bang" wrap up and all seems to be right with the world yet again.

Down in Robbie's lair…

Robbie stalks into his lair, tossing his shades into a corner and wadding up his jacket before tossing it aside. "Stupid Sportakook, what does he know about rock and roll, anyway?" He flops down into his chair and turns on the radio. He searches for a station and then finds one, but it's playing Sportafunk and the Shiny Pinkness! "Gah!" He picks up the radio and starts to march over to throw it away when he slips on his jacket and falls back into his chair, the radio falling on his stomach with a thud and turning itself back on to Sportacus's rock squeal. "Thank you very much," moans Robbie.

AN: Hooray! That was silly! Less innuendo this time around, too. I don't know if that was a conscious effort or if the jokes weren't comin'. Either way, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Now, please review if you are so inclined (Sportacus would.) ;)


End file.
